Understanding Female Attraction: What Women Need From You

One of the most common problems I’ve noticed in men who struggle to get women is that they think there’s something wrong with what they say or do.

That’s how you get so much online content obsessing about openers, pick-up lines, “if she says this answer that”, and so on.

If you try to use those lines, you’ll find out they rarely work the way you hope.

These men also spend way too much time and energy crafting “the perfect answer”, a magical combination of words that’s supposed to spark her interest after a string of monosyllabic replies.

And many of them obsess about “mistakes” they made in the past, thinking about how things could have played out differently if they had said or done something different.

What these men don’t realize is that attraction is not about what you say or do. It’s about who you are.

Attraction is 80% who you are and 20% what you do.

Think about it:

An extremely attractive man can say or do pretty much anything, and he will still find women who are interested in being with him.
Meanwhile, an unattractive man will have a hard time finding a single woman who’s interested in him, even if he always says the perfect line.

If Henry Cavill walks into a bar and starts talking to a group of girls, I can 100% guarantee that they won’t give a fuck about his opener or the specific lines he uses.

I know it, you know it.

My point is that if you really want to improve your results with women, you must be totally focused on becoming more attractive.

When you put in the work and grow into an attractive man, the right lines and behaviors happen naturally, as a result of who you are. And the truth is, the more attractive you are, the less they matter.

That’s why in this post I’ll focus on:

Identifying the traits that make a man attractive.
Providing you with the right perspective, so that you can find your own unique way to develop those traits within yourself and become a man that women genuinely desire.

Let’s start from the beginning.

You Must Understand Female Sexuality—And Most Men Don’t

In intersexual relationships, attraction is determined by the preferences of the opposite sex.

Therefore:

The traits that make women attractive are determined by men.
The traits that make men attractive are determined by women.

This means that if you want to become a more attractive man, you need to understand the traits women need to perceive in a man to feel attracted to him, be it in a purely sexual way or for a more serious relationship.

In other words, you must understand female sexuality to become the kind of man women yearn for.

Sexual Desire: the Fuel of All Healthy Relationships

Sexual desire is the foundation of any healthy relationship, especially in the early stages.

No woman will genuinely want to sleep with you or become your girlfriend unless she feels a raw, primal attraction towards you.

And the thing is, she can’t really choose or decide whether or not to feel attracted to you, the same way you can’t choose or decide whether Sidney Sweeney turns you on.

Which is why, usually, you can’t convince a woman to want you.

Think about it:

If Margaret Thatcher were alive, and she started hitting on you…

Would there be anything she could do to convince you to sleep with her?

Well, no.

You wouldn’t find her attractive, and there’d be nothing she could say or do to convince you.

Even if she bought you presents and treated you like a king, nothing would change the fact that she wouldn’t make you hard.

Well, the same happens when you chase women who don’t find you attractive.

You must understand that sexual desire is spontaneous.

It can’t be imposed or negotiated.

No matter how much you chase a woman or insist on demonstrating your interest in her, it will rarely change whether she wants you or not.

Attraction happens at a subconscious, instinctual level, and it’s more like a bodily reaction than a logical or rational process.

Which means that you either have the markers that trigger attraction on a given woman, or you don’t.

What Traits Make a Man Attractive?

Although each woman’s personal taste certainly plays a role, there are a few fundamental and timeless traits that women generally feel attracted to.

Those traits are:

Self-Direction: The Ability to Follow Your Own Path: A man who knows what he wants, acts on that vision, and doesn’t deviate from it (regardless of what others think or expect from him) is much more attractive than the man who always needs instructions and guidance, and who tends to give up his lifestyle, principles, and values easily. This is often seen with men who adapt their behavior to please the woman they are trying to seduce. For instance, they will be constantly monitoring her reactions, saying whatever they hope she will like or approve of instead of taking risks, being themselves, and not worrying too much about whether she will like them or not. This behavior comes off as submissive and slightly desperate, which isn’t attractive at all.
Physical Appearance: Yes, looks matter. Luckily, women aren’t as concerned about your physical beauty as men typically are. Instead, they tend to pay attention to how you present yourself: your style, grooming, hygiene, fitness… Women like men who like themselves and take themselves seriously, and they like to see it reflected in their presentation. Which means there’s a lot you can do to improve in this department, regardless of how you look right now. And no, you don’t need to have a six-pack or the arms of a bodybuilder to get laid.
Status: Women are attracted to men they respect or admire in some way. You don’t need to be a famous athlete, a billionaire CEO, or a star influencer. There are different strategies you could implement: you could work on your social skills and become more charismatic, you could take the initiative and organize fun activities for your group of friends, or create and lead an organization of some kind. Or you could also become very good at your job. The point is: If you increase your status in one niche, the women within that niche will notice.
Material Resources: Yes… money. Like it or not, there are many different reasons why money can make you more attractive. First of all, at a subconscious level, money signals that you can provide for yourself, your partner, and your offspring, which in ancient times greatly improved your genes’ chances of survival. Money also gives you options and freedom, which sometimes (but not always) saves you from getting stuck with jobs or people that you don’t like or aren’t right for you. Money is also hard to earn, and having lots of it can communicate that you are smart and resourceful. And finally, many people see those with money as winners and treat them as such. In that case, having money elevates your status. However, money, by itself, is rarely the solution to men’s dating problems. I’ve known a few men with money who were terrible with women, and others who were broke but very successful with them.
Assertive Qualities: Strength, Dominance, and Protection: I would like you to think about these qualities not only in their physical dimension (as in being able to push heavy weitghts or knowing how to fight) but also in their mental dimension (as in being disciplined, having mental fortitude when others try to put you down, and so on). From an evolutionary perspective, strength, dominance, and protection were essential to ensure your survival and that of your offspring. Therefore, women evolved a sexual preference towards men who were good at them. I would argue that even today, men who make an ethical use of those qualities are happier, healthier, and more likely to get what they want.

And by the way, these traits are morally neutral.

They don’t necessarily make you a better or worse person…

But they are necessary to generate attraction in women.

You can think of them as the male version of having a beautiful face, big breasts, or a slim waist. None of those make a woman “good” or “bad”. They just make her more attractive.

That’s one of the reasons why you’ll sometimes see women choosing seemingly horrendous partners: The man they chose might be a complete asshole, but he still has the markers that makes her feel weak in the knees for him, while other apparently better candidates in her social circle don’t.

Closing Thoughts

We’ve now seen the traits that women need to perceive in you to feel attracted.

As I said before, if you want to improve your results with women, your best bet is to develop those traits within yourself.

Work on yourself, become more attractive, and your dating life will improve substantially.